sad love poem

you'v been on my mind lately
i've been thinking
about how there was a time
when you covered my body like
invisible tattoo lines
that no one could see but me
so intricate and infinately apart of
who i was


i miss you
on the nights of
the days that i think of you
       ---

i think, looking back
that if they never knew
about you, back then,
then they never knew me

i kept you so deep inside myself
buried where others could not harm
us
deep enough to poison myself
close to my heart

when i say things like i used to be in love
once upon a time
it feels like a lie
because 'in love' seems so small
so incapable of explaining how it was for me
with you
       ---
everyday i wake up
and don't call
i feel like i'm pulling back a layer of old tattooed skin
trying to find the places underneath
free of you

i will sleep through the night
and not dream of you
i will not crave your touch
or seeing you smile
or hearing you laugh

one day i will wake up
and i will choose my own happiness
not for the first time
but this time the choice will come easy

i will not regret
never figuring out
the exact combination of words and deeds
that would have taught you how to love me better

i will not miss
almost kisses or
unconsummated nights
or holding hands
or running my hands through your hair
       ---
the day after
i wake up and you are past me
i will go out
and fall madly in like with someone(s)
and i won't be afraid or ashamed
to let like become love