Being a grad student with learning disabilities

This is a topic I've been wrestling with as of late. It feels almost dangerous to even bring it up. While I'm sure I'm not the only grad student with learning disabilities--I have several--I am one of the few I know who discuss it and certainly I'm the only grad student I know who identifies with being disabled. (meaning: I have teeth but I am not a tooth. However, I have disabilities and I am disabled.)

Now there are a myriad of reasons for this probably. In the US, my social context, learning disabilities are often disregarded, misunderstood, or pathologized. This part of the reason it took me so long to pursue testing to verify my life long suspecion that I had a disability. 

However, the thing I want comment on right now is the perception that if you are able to achieve enough academic success to enter an advance degree program then your disability is not severe enough to require accomodations. I think (without any quantitative "proof") that this leads to a code of secrecy about the grad experience while disabled. I have noticed how uncomfortable it makes people from faculty to staff to fellow students when I disclose details about my disabilities. This can be as simple as naming my diagnoses to describing the way I learn or what are particular challenges I face. The only thing non-disabled people ever seem curious about is what kind of accommodations I get.

This leads, in my opinion, to an environment where the burden of an equal education is put on disabled students. The process of grad education: coursework styles, exam mechanics, research and diss writing is a relatively srandardized process. In someways there is an investment in the notion that surviving particular programs are what makes one a scholar/intellectual. Leaving aside the fact that not all of the students in grad school will or want to commit themselves to a 'life of the mind; this means that there is a very real systemic resistance to critiquing pedagogy at a grad level.

For example, in many fields there is an emphasis on reading as the method of information transmission. And not just reading...there is a kind of ritual of assigning voluminous amounts of reading because well the serious students will find a way. Now many students will and have told me that grad school is about learning to skim and be judicious in what one dwells on. However, what this view doesn't acknowledge is how this emphasis unfairly disadantages those of us with reading comprehension and speed related disabilities. Skimming might be the solution if your problem is speed but if comprehension is your issue then it's not about the quantity but the quality.

 I'm known for not reading amongst my circle. I play this off often as a disintrest in material or lack of time. Sometimes that is true. Yet it also true that I know that I comprehend ideas better via discussion because I learn best auditorally. It is incredibly frustrating to be required to enact this academic performance that is not always beneficial for me. Especially when I know that my imperfect performance is not a reflection of my ability to think critically or grasp concepts.

And I won't lay all the blame at the feet of faculty or the administrative gods. Students constantly reinvest in this ableist culture (often whilst proclaiming the need for more disability-conscious curricula for undergrads.) I think in part it is because we invest in the validation that we get from doing well by the standard. And not just students without (diagnosed and/or self-acknowledged) disabilities. Part of the silence about the extra steps or chasms we students with disabilitites cross towards our degrees is because we don't want anyone to think that we are less deserving. We're not less deserving, but not because we managed to overcome the hurdles. We deserve recognition because of the quality of our ideas, our commitment to our programs and professions, for doing intellectual work however it might look like.

Doing a general and brief search I was unable to find a national organization, non-profits, or websites specifically aimed at students with learning disabilities. I specify *learning* here because there are apparent and non-apparent disabilitites that may not be considered a learning disability but that do have representation.

For more thoughts on, critiques of, and suggestions of how to work around ableist academic culture see the book Learning Outside the Lines.

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